Opportunity for Advancement

by Hot n Hazy

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about

Recorded at Milkboy Studios in Olney (Philadelphia), engineered and mixed by Tommy Joyner. Cover art by Steve Conway.

credits

released October 19, 2015

By Hot n Hazy. Written and performed by Steve Conway, David Gould, Josh McIlvain, Sam McIlvain. 2000.

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all rights reserved

about

Mellow Farmer Music Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Mellow Farmer represents the musical projects of Josh McIlvain.

Background art by Theron Warren.

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Contact Mellow Farmer Music

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Track Name: Donuts and Coffee
now donuts and coffee are not good for you
But hey I like eggs and bacon too
Cream of wheat with brown sugar
Pancakes with syrup and an ice cream scoop of butter

But I’m always in a hurry (excuse me)
And I’m not one to wake up early
So I stop at the donut shop
And then I walk onto my job

You used to say I was erratic (nervous)
Till you at last said, Hey, I’ve had it
Now that you’ve left me it’s funny how it seems
My life has fallen into routine

Monday and Tuesday I get jellies
Wednesday and Thursday buttercreams
Friday’s reserved for sugar and cinnamon
I take an assorted dozen home for the weekend

I’m having….

Donuts and coffee
Every morning
That’s the way I like to start my day
Donuts and coffee
Every morning
I know you don’t approve but you’re not here to say
Track Name: The Same Band
They used to come together
To watch their favorite band play
But since he broke up with her
They come their separate ways

He sits with his friends
She sits with hers
He thinks she goes just to see him
She thinks that’s absurd

They like the same band
…the same

Will they ever speak again?
Will they learn to be friends?
Can they sit and enjoy the music?
Or will it just remind them of their past?

The band, they don’t want to take sides
They’re all children of divorced parents
They don’t want to be in the of a fight
Between two drunken people who can’t make sense

They like the same band
…the same

Does she feel on edge?
Does he clap to the beat to get out of his head?
Does she wish he’d say something?
Does he wish she’d just stop coming?

This audience drama
Likens the band to a small town
But if they can make it all cool
Maybe they’ve got a big city sound

They like the same band
…the same
Track Name: Firecracker
She walks in the room she’s a firecracker
Bang! Ou, right on now
She startles me so I can’t sleep
How she’s on my mind that firecracker

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! She goes
She’s got firecrackers on her toes
And when she talks like she’s from the South
She’s got big ol’ firecrackers coming out of her mouth

Bang! Firecracker…
Firecracker! Bang! Bang! Bang!

She has the fire that scares them all
Whether in the boardroom or on a conference call
She taps her finger to light the fuse
Sometimes she does because it makes her amused

I think of her power and her pretty colors
When I think of her you know I never think of others
I fear sometimes that it might not work
When you get too close to firecrackers they hurt

Bang! Firecracker…
Firecracker! Bang! Bang! Bang!

She’s got firecrackers under her shirt
She’s got firecrackers hanging from her miniskirt
She’s got firecrackers in the hair she’s coifed
The way she walks just sets them off…

Bang! Firecracker…
Firecracker! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Track Name: Choo Choo
So suspicious it stinks
Prices so high yet all that red ink
I say when on the government dime
Trains must run on time

Inflated costs, deflated projects
Only one railroad, so no progress
Voices of change are lonely
Time to break this monopoly

I used to ride the railroad
I used to take the train
But something happened to my choo-choo
And I won’t be using it again

Interstate travel restricted
Commerce limited
Only results in a loss
Of the air to the car exhaust

The affairs I’ve never had
Service is so bad
Train travel now just a novelty
It ran better in 1950!

I used to ride the railroad
I used to take the train
But something happened to my choo-choo
And I won’t using it again

Affordable class
That is a thing of the past
Prices are so high
I’d rather fly
Track Name: Ruth the Sleuth
A high school history teacher
The town Girl Scout leader
Till a hobby battling crime
Success had her doing it full-time

Ruth the Sleuth
She’s the prettiest lass
Ruth the sleuth
With a magnifying glass

From the mayor to the hobo
Ol’ Ruthie has helped them all
A mystery that can’t be solved?
Town cry, Get Ruth involved!

Ruth the Sleuth (Ruth!)
She’s got the keys to the city
Ruth the Sleuth (Ruth!)
And the boys think she’s pretty

Don’t worry if you can’t make a payment
Say you’re an artist—she’d take a painting
She’s got humble country roots
She once got paid in cowboy boots

Ruth the Sleuth
Town heroine
And stranger you best watch out
She’s zeroing in…on you

Critics say she does the crimes herself
That’s why she never needs anyone’s help
But they’re the ones she’s put in jail
I say let them burn in hell

Ruth the Sleuth (Ruth!)
She’s got the keys to the city
Ruth the Sleuth (Ruth!)
And the boys think she’s pretty…hot!
Track Name: Pray
When the hurricane blows in the door
And floorboards fly off the floor
You huddle in your bathtub
And you pray to god

When you’re stuck in an inferno
How to get out…you don’t know
Flames start licking the door
This is what praying is for

‘Cause there ain’t any other way
You’re going to get out of here…

It’s a good day
To pray
It’s a good day to pray

When you’re sailing the ocean
And your boat, it stops a-floatin’
There’s an old seafaring saying
Tis is the time, mate, for praying

Cause there ain’t any other way
You’re going to get out of here…

It’s a good day
To pray
It’s a good day to pray

Cause there ain’t any other way
You’re going to get out of here…
Track Name: Cabin Fever
Baby’s on the floor
You know she’s on my leopard skin
The snow’s piled against the door
And no one can get in
I figured it a good moment
For some champagne
So I put my thumb against the cork
And off it came

Don’t know how long
This winter will last
I’ve got the record player on
And it’s playing the jazz
Baby lies in bed
She moans that I’m no fun
So I tie her to a totem pole
Then hunt for lunch

Up on my roof
I hear a pitter pat
Could that be a lynx maybe
Or perchance my pussycat
No kitten’s on the floor
Curled, fast asleep
Purring contentedly
While warming my feet

Outside my window
I spy a grizzly bear (roar)
No thank you, sir, no
I think we’ll stay right here
Sure we’ve got our mysteries
But why dwell on the past
As I watch the fire burn
Through my brandy glass

Cabin Fever is making me hot
I’ve got to take off all that I’ve got
Cabin Fever anything goes
Baby’s coming at me…without her clothes

Some say respite (respĭt)
Whilst I say respite (respīt)
You’ll find me with my legs up
And my lady on my right
She lies across the arms
Of my chair Victorian
She says, Why Mr. Gable!
I say, Oh, Vivian!

Cabin Fever is making me hot
I’ve got to take off all that I’ve got
Cabin Fever anything goes
Baby’s coming at me…without her clothes
Track Name: Illustrious Justice
You know he’s a man of justice
Don’t confuse it with being cold
He’s just a man of substance
He carries wisdom centuries old

But what are the laws of love?
They seem to rely on circumstance
Is there a power above
To dictate the rules of romance?

Chorus
He’s an illustrious justice, baby
You know he’s a good man
He’s an illustrious justice baby
Please try to understand

He cannot deny what he saw
Or that his feelings were matching
But he must administer law
And not be swayed by his passions

It’s not a question of happiness
He’s not adverse to a good time
But for the sake of all of us
He needs peace of mind

Chorus

He likes good food
And he enjoys fine wine
He likes to be in a good mood
But that’s where he draws the line

For he appreciates beauty, yeah
And certainly yours
But he must stay with his family
It’s just a matter of course

Chorus
Track Name: Sorry
Sorry boss I can’t stay late
I’ve a date and she can’t wait
She’s there for me I’ve got to be there for her
And you don’t want an unhappy worker

Sorry folks I can’t stay after the show
I’ve got an obligation to love you know
She’s waiting for me at home
And I don’t want her to get lonesome

Chorus
I’ve got to spend time with my baby
She’s been feeling lonely lately
I’ve got to spend time with my baby
I hate to think that she’d replace me

Sorry friend I must be off
I’m meeting her back at the loft
I know it’s only quarter of nine
But with her I’m on time

She tells funny stories
And my baby, she’s never boring
She’s got the prettiest eyes
That fill me up with the good life

Chorus

Sorry, girl don’t turn hellcat
I’m sure you’re great fun and all that
But my baby puts up with all do
Unless I were untrue

Chorus

Oh, baby
Track Name: The Big Kahuna
The Big Kahuna
Is rising up
Is rising up
It’s going to wash your town away
The people panic
It’s so gigantic
Its shadow grows
Till it blocks out the sun

You can’t survive it
Unless you ride it
Better ride it well
For it’s a mighty swell
The Big Kahuna
Is coming at ya’
Best wear your swimsuit
Because it’s gonna make you wet

It’s been awakened
By a volcano
Like my desire
When you look into my heart

The sea disappears
The people gaze in fear
As it comes back
To come crashing down on you
The elders say
It’s judgment day
The Big Kahuna’s come
To wash out sins away

I say it’s doubtful
That it’s arousal
Is less than divine
Certainly it’s bigger than mine
The Big Kahuna
Is rising up
Is rising up
It’s going to wash your town away

It’s been awakened
By a volcano
Like my desire
When you look into my heart

Goodbye houses! Goodbye mouses!
Goodbye gas stations! Farewell island nations!
Goodbye Chevy! Hello levy!
Goodbye town hall! Goodbye y’all!

The Big Kahuna!
Track Name: Millenium
I get to singing
Like a bird in the tree
Singing its bird song
Making the people happy

I say hello
To all my working friends
We chat for two minutes
Then get to working

I hear a chorus
Voices reaching heaven
They are singing praises for
The new millennium

At the job
The boss gives me praise
Then pauses
Before giving me a raise

I get to dancing
With all this love that I get
Each day new love
Brings a new dance step

I hear a chorus
Voices reaching heaven
They are singing praises for
The new millennium
Fa la la la la la
Fa la la la la la

I get together
With the boys in the band
We play baseball
I hit a grand slam
Track Name: Frantic Mechanic
The driver gets all the glory
She gets to hold the cup
People listen to her stories
The reporters like her a lot
The Mechanic never stops working
Making that engine top notch
He used to drive too
But an accident scared him off

The driver is the star
And though it’s merited
The mechanic built that car
Which the driver tends to forget to credit

He’s the frantic mechanic
He’s the forgotten one
He’s the frantic mechanic
He gets the job done

The driver courts the press
And drinks the good wine
The mechanic tries not to get jealous
Because the driver, she’s his wife

He used to work non-stop
Nothing ever was good enough
Now he’s distracted from his job
For fear of losing his love

He’s the frantic mechanic
He’s the forgotten one
He’s the frantic mechanic
He gets the job done

He rarely sees his wife now
She spends her time with the fashion plate
A magazine photographed her arm-in-arm with a movie star
For goodness sakes, I think the mechanic’s going to fix her brakes!

He’s the frantic mechanic
He’s the forgotten one
He’s the frantic mechanic
He gets the job done
Track Name: Christmas Party (Bonus Track)
Christmas comes but once a year
Now the Christmas party is here
So come on people shake a leg
Get out those presents and trade
Fine wine and singing jingles
It’s the perfect place to mingle
Makes me want to sing “Eureka!”
Deviled eggs sprinkled with paprika

A rack of lamb, a leg of ham
Water table crackers with salmon
What that is I cannot tell
But I like the looks of that Bouche Noel
Yes! The Christmas party I look forward to
For there’s always so much to do
Singing, swinging and drinking
Moving, grooving, with eyes a-twinkling

The Christmas Party is lots of fun
The Christmas party, where everyone’s welcome
There will even be a Santa there this Christmas
So the children may wish their wishes
And even if Christmas you do not celebrate
You’ll still think the Christmas party’s great
In fact, you may start to feel
That being Christian is ideal

Whoa-ho Christmas!
Whoa-ho Christmas party!

Ring ding ding dong
Ring-a-ding ding dong

The Christmas party where the dress is trendy
And all the girls are friendly
The guys, looking sharp, sing supercharged
“We Three Kings of Orient are!”
So bring in the Christmas tree
Decorate it with things pretty
Then plug in those Christmas lights
And get the party started tonight

Merry Christmas!